Unattainable
by Oxford123
Summary: Some people have to learn that they can't have everything they want. AU. Hr/F.


**Unattainable **

* * *

If you're honest with yourself, you resented her from the moment you saw her. She's beautiful and interesting and charismatic, which is everything you feel that you are not. Boys - and girls - stare at her with a brain dead, glazed over expression.

But you don't.

**--**

One day, in the library, she tries to start a conversation with you. You are quite rude.

Over a couple of weeks, she continues to try to talk to you, and slowly, not even realizing it, your resentment turns into something else.

With a great reluctance, you realize she is actually quite intelligent and funny.

You don't know what this new feeling is, the one that replaced the resentment, because you've never felt it before. And not resenting her isn't something that you're aware of immediately. It's just that somewhere along the line, your frowns turned into smiles, your insults into subtle compliments. Your knowledge of this slowly drifts into perspective after a couple of weeks.

It comes into being, finally, and it's like it was always that way.

You can't remember a time when you didn't know her.

**--**

You're so caught up with your life, and feelings you understand better, that the possibility that anything more could ever happen is like a dream; alluring, but resoundingly fake.

You're just friends.

But, slowly, you finally realize that she looks at you differently than your other friends look at you. Her hands linger on your skin longer than is friendly. Her words, though nice, are sometimes arranged in suggestive manners. Her eyes drift over your body, in which you're definite is not a friendly way.

You can't remember a time when she didn't look at you and talk to you that way.

**--**

So, you dance an ever-ending, graceful rhythm around each other for awhile. You can tell it makes her excited.

But that's okay, because it makes you excited to.

You can't remember a time when you didn't like her.

**--**

Then, one day, she touches you. You aren't really sure what to do, but it feels good and you know you don't really want her to stop. So, you let her do it and naively return the touches.

You are just like every other human in the world, despite your above average intelligence, and sometimes you can't resist something you really want; and you really want to be loved. So bad, so bad.

And she calls you beautiful, and she says she loves you, so…

An hour later, you realize she took something from you that you can never get back, but you don't care.

You've just realized that you're in love with her.

You can't remember a time when you didn't love her.

**--**

Months pass. You watch her go to Yule Ball with that stupid boy, while you, yourself, go with a boy you could never really have feelings for.

No, not when her face is the only thing you see when you close your eyes at night.

You cried yourself to sleep after the Yule Ball. Months later, you realize that you might have been crying over regret, rather than jealously.

You should've known, but you didn't. That's just how it is.

You can't remember a time when you weren't obsessed with her.

**--**

You know she's messing around with a couple of boys and girls, but you're willing to take whatever part of her you can get.

You can't remember a time when you felt like she could belong to just you, anyway. She's too amazing for just you.

**--**

Winter changes to spring and you notice she's avoiding you. Or, rather, ignoring you.

When you try to catch her eye, she won't look at you.

When you walk past her, she doesn't acknowledge at you.

When you try to talk to her, she has something else she has to do almost immediately.

You soon learn that being unattainable is powerful, because when you begin ignoring her, she's all over you.

Every time you begin to realize that she's using you, she's right there, smothering you with touches and kisses. It's like she has radar or something.

You can't remember a time when you could resist her.

**--**

One day, as spring is changing slowly into summer, you look in the mirror.

You honestly look at yourself for the first time in months, and in a sudden rush, you realize the only reason she wants you is because she wants what she can't have.

You realize it's the reason she initiated a relationship with you in the first place, because you didn't like her.

And then, that time after Christmas, when you began to ignore her, she started it again.

That's the reason why she was attracted to you. No, she wasn't attracted to you, per say, she was attracted to the fact that unlike most of the Hogwart's population, you didn't look at her in a trance.

She wanted to see if she could make you love her like everyone also automatically did.

And, in all honestly, she did.

But along the way, she forgot who she was dealing with.

You know you may be young but Hermione Granger doesn't take kindly to being fucked with.

You can't remember why you liked her in the first place.

**--**

It's only a week until she has to go home, when you realize all of this, and you ignore her for that week.

You avoid her and won't even look at her; she notices, of course.

The night before she has to go home, she sneaks into your room, and tries to touch and kiss you. You push her out of your room and lock the door.

You press your ear to the door and you think you hear her crying quietly for a few minutes before she leaves.

At breakfast, the next morning, you see that her eyes are red and puffy. It startles you slightly, because you've never seen her less than perfect, but you put it out of your mind quickly. She tries to catch your eye, but you ignore her.

After breakfast, she puts her hand on your shoulder and asks you to write to her. You ignore her. Well, you don't really ignore her as much as tell her to go to hell quite loudly.

She laughs, thinking she still has you, and tries to kiss you in public for the first time, but you push her away.

You know she's getting desperate if she's kissing you in public.

Her eyes widen and you smile victoriously. She tries to kiss you again, and you laugh cruelly at her, shaking your head.

You mentally wince as tears fall from her eyes, but keep a smile on your face. You realize, maybe she did love you after all, in her own way.

But, you have to teach Fleur Delacour that she can't have everything she wants, so you walk away.

You can't remember why you ever loved her in the first place.

**--**

It's hours later, and you're hugging Victor goodbye. He's a nice boy. You briefly wish you could've been more than a friends, but he didn't have a chance. Not while she was here.

With that thought, you hear her voice and turn around unconsciously. She's hugging everyone before she has to leave. You try to walk away before she sees you, but a stupid Hufflepuff gets in your way, and she does see you.

You hear her running toward you and calling your name, and you push the Hufflepuff out of the way and keep walking.

When you hear her calling your name again, quite close, you break into a run. As you're running, you look at the summer breeze swaying the tops of the trees that you run past.

You grin and don't stop running.

You can't remember why she made you so obsessive.

**--**

It is two years past, and she's come to take the Hogwart's Defense Against the Dark Arts position this year.

You know why she took the position, but you're not worried.

Because, you can remember why you liked, loved, and obsessed over her now.

The difference is you just don't care.

Now, you're truly unattainable.

**

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:)


End file.
